Chapter by Chapter review: Tyra Banks’ “Modelland” Chapter 20

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Okay, so I spent most of Maundy Thursday asleep because I spent most of Holy Wednesday up and about so early in the morning and the rest of the night working on my day job. Hence the absence of any posts.

And now, still a bit groggy from recovering as much sleep as I can from the weeks I’ve spent burning the candle on both ends, I thought twice about doing something that requires more than a couple of brain cells to do. SO what did I end up doing, you ask?

I read another chapter of “Modelland”.

So after the total waste of dead tress that was Chapter 19, we get shuttled off to yet another class that Tookie and the gang have to suffer through on their journey towards becoming the world’s next Intoxibellas. This time it’s a walking class they have to…uhm…walk through, and the bitchy Guru Gunnero is once again teaching the class.

There’s a twist this time around, however, as the BellaDonna has ordered that Ci~L co-teach the class with Gunnero. Gunnero is having none of it, and I kind of understand him because Ci~L inflicts some of her spoken word on the class and on the readers. It ain’t pretty.

“‘A colorless girl in a colorless world…Now stained crimson because of her quest.’

‘A microscopic lass below the criterion…Journey aborted, but soul cannot rest.’

‘A Rubenesque damsel, surrounded by twigs

Her lush carcass devoured, insects infest.’

‘Their crony, elected exemplar of excellence.

Has failed them, whose soul demons now do possess.'”

Yeah, that happened.

What also happens is that the Bellas are told exactly what it is Senturas actually do. Which is basically make them look pretty while looking the fool? I couldn’t really understand it even after Tyra spends all of five pages talking about what it is they actually do.

She also brings up that tired, tired statement of fashion shows being so much more chaotic than what the finished product would have us think. I mean, we’ve already seen that from Tyra’s own “America’s Next Top Model” to “Project Runway” to “Ugly Betty”. It’s not going to get any better under your capable hands, Tyra.

And boy, does it really not improve in Tyra’s version. It’s stereotype after stereotype and lots of obvious jokes and imagery that all I can do to even mildly entertain you guys is offer up this video of an episode of “The Graham Norton Show” were they recreate that scene in “Alien”.

At the tail end of the chapter Tookie sees that Ci~L is bleeding through her clothes, and at this point I just go fuck this shit.

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2 thoughts on “Chapter by Chapter review: Tyra Banks’ “Modelland” Chapter 20”

  1. Thank you for sacrificing your brain cells for us Sir. I just found your blog and read all your Modelland reviews in a row. If you die of a brain aneurysm while reading this book, I’ll ask Tyra to fund a children hospital in memoriam of the Jesus of YA litterature.

    1. Thank you so much for appreciating my sacrifice, hahahaha. Tyra better build that hospital in case I do die of a brain aneurysm!

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