Chapter by Chapter Review: Tyra Banks’ “Modelland” Chapter 7

Oh my goodness me, it’s been a while since we’ve had one of these! As you guys probably know from the recent posts, there have been a lot of book-related activities happening around the metropolis these past few weeks.

There’s the recently concluded Manila International Literary Festival, the 2011 Komikon, and the thousand other things that I had to do because I have a job and I need ALL. THE. MONEYS.

But now, on this cold November morning, I finally have some time! Let’s plunge back into Tookie De La Creme’s fabulous frolics along the fashion forward streets of Metopia!

The last time we were doing this, Tookie and Lizzie have finally decided to put their escape plan into action after encountering the Intoxibella named Exodus, which just so happens to be the creative name they’ve come up with for their escape plan. Because “exodus” means “a mass deaprture of people”. Get it? Get it?

Jesus, Tyra.

But before Tookie can put her plan into action, Mr. and Mrs. De La Creme drop a bombshell on her. The night before Tookie’s escape, she eavesdrops on a fight that her parents are having, apparently caused by Creamy (remember her?) arriving late from their shopping trip in LaDorno.

The fight is happening in Creamy’s office, and the office is every bit as creepy as one would expect from someone who is as whacked-out as Creamy is. You see, aside from having an OCD with regards to green bananas, Creamy is also a doll collector.

“Sitting on the long backless couch and the windowsills and in custom displays all around the room was her doll collection, which she’d started years before Tookie had been born.

There were swaddled babies. Dolls with eyes that opened and closed. Dolls that wet themselves and digested food and spoke. Each was positioned just so, an arm curled here, a leg crossed there. Their heads pointed straight at Tookie’s mother, as though she were conducting a meeting with all of them.”

You know what this reminds me of? Mombi from “Return to Oz”.

People my age know that this movie was the best.

But more than finding out that Creamy is Mombi’s long lost sister from another mother, Tookie finds out that she may just be Myrracle’s sister from another father.


The Chris-Creme-Crobat (remember him?) plans to send Tookie’s toothbrush to a DNA lab and have it tested, because apparently Creamy would not let him see Tookie when she was being born, or even let him talk to the doctors who delivered Tookie, and that translates to Tookie being somebody else’s child. Chris-Creme-Crobat is pissed and is drunk off his head from all that TaterMash (remember that?).

And if it does turn out that Tookie was the result of nookie from another dude?

“…once I find that out, I’m sending Tookie away. I don’t want her in this house anymore. I’m sending her to the factories.”

That’s right folks, the Chris-Creme-Crobat will go all Dickens on Tookie’s ass and send her to the factories to be a working girl. A “Factory Dependent”, as Tyra calls them in Chapter 2. I’m guessing she thought of this in Cycle 9 when she and the girls were in China.

“…Factory Dependents, children sometimes even younger than Tookie whose parents could no longer, or chose not to, care for them. Greedy industry overlords took them in, housed them in slums, and paid them nothing — servants for life.”

Good thing that Tookie is going to leave anyway! After marking the appointed time on the tree she shares with Lizzie, Tookie waxes dreamily about shedding her Forgetta-Girl image and finally becoming a Rememba-Girl. This is it! Except not.

Seems like Tookie should have spent more time planning and less time waxing because Creamy is right there waiting for her as she attempt to leave the house and meet up with Lizzie. Creamy thinks that the supplies Tookie has packed as part of her “Exodus” project are for Myrracle, and drags her along as they head to LaDorno for The Day of Discovery.

As all of this is going down, Lizzie watches everything from behind their tree of lesbian loving and screams her head off as Tookie and company drive off to Myrracle’s destiny.

And you know what? This chapter was actually readable! The “dollhouse” was sufficiently creepy without going over the top and becoming hilarious, and Tyra actually manages to make Tookie look slightly sympathetic and her own character and not at all a stand-in for herself. It’s like The Other Tyra throttled Tyra ID something good and actually pushed out a decent chapter!

Remember the good old days when America’s Next Top Model still kept up with the pretense of “realness” — prime example being Elyse Sewell at the top of this post — that you now struggle to find in the current season? That’s what this chapter feels like. Maybe this will turn out great after all!

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