OH. MY. GAWD. Did you like, totally hear about, like, that Forgetta-Girl Tookie de la Whatsis getting like, a SMIZE or whatever? She was, you know, at the faucet or something doing like, stuff, and it totally fell into her hand like whatever. Ugh. So not fetch. And now, like, of course her family’s going crazy and whatever and such as.
And like, whatever, it was SO. UNFAIR. Like really, because I like, wanted to be a top model and whatever since like, forever, and it like, really hurts and whatever that I didn’t like, get a SMIZE and such as. UGH.
I hope you guys at least snickered a little because I think I just had a mini-aneurysm typing those two paragraphs. I feel like a nosebleed is about to come on. Or the vapors. Or whatever quaint Victorian ailment suits this whole situation.
ANYWAY. The above paragraphs pretty much sum up what went down at the De La Creme residence in the previous chapter. And as previously stated in earlier chapters, getting a SMIZE increases your chances of being picked to go to Modelland by 91 percent. “91% Chance” is also the chapter title, so I guess we pretty much get that in this installment.
To those who don’t remember Allison Harvard, she was in Cycle 12 and now competing once again in Cycle 17. She rocks.
Sorry for the delay in posts the past few days. Work has been a little hectic and hasn’t given me a lot of opportunities to update the blogeroo since last Sunday. Anyway, I’m back with more “Modelland”!
The last time we were in Metopia, we were introduced not just to its geography but to Tookie’s weird friend Lizzie, who has a penchant for disappearing for months on end and cutting herself with sharp rocks. Also, the deliciously named Zarpessa Zarionneaux is a dumpster diving liar.
Chapter three is actually titled “Da-tahhhh!” I AM EXCITE.
The last time we saw our heroine, Tookie De La Creme, she was rifling through some garbage for the Campaign Pin of Twu Wuv that Xenophilius Lovegood knockoff Theopilius Lovelaces accidentally bestowed upon her when he almost tripped on her prone body.
Or at least, I alluded to that in the previous post. Mostly I was enjoying putting up gifs of drag queens in hair couture. This time, however, I will be…doing more of the same. It depends on how interesting this chapter is.
Regular readers (or should I say reader?) of the blog know that I’ve been waiting for Tyra Bank’s literary debut with the same excitement usually reserved for Christmas, sudden class suspensions, and the birth of one’s firstborn. If I may be allowed to repeat myself: I AM EXCITE.
Over several months, I kept track of any news on her debut. And during the Manila International Book Fair, National Book Store made my dreams come true. There it was, with the eye on its cover smizing back at my face. Yes, there was a little hesitation on my part (I only got my copy on my second day at the MIBF), but I think we all knew it was only a matter of time before I got my hands on it.
I promised that I would make sure that everyone knew all about the adventures of Tookie De La Creme (!), Myrracle De La Creme (!!), Theopilius Lovelaces (!!!), and Zarpessa Zarionneaux (!!!!), and I thought what better way to do so than through a chapter by chapter review.
Here’s how it’s going to go down: I had initially thought about only posting twice a week, but since the book has 48 chapters (!), that would mean 24 weeks of “Modelland”. As much as that prospect thrills me, I do have a day job and other books to read. So, you’ll get posts on “Modelland” five times a week. Maybe even twice in one day if I can’t help myself.
So sit back, relax, practice your smizes, because this shit is going to go down and it’s going to go down right now.